Post #001

#001

Let’s Make a Baby?!

August -September 2023

It was August of 2023, life was busy! We had bought a house in March and it was finally, FINALLY finished in early August. We spent a completely frantic and hectic weekend moving from our rental in Napa to our new home just 30 minutes up the 80.

It was hot, it was a lot of effort, and we were not deterred, so excited to move into our new home in Cali. We were fortunate enough at the time that our adult nephew was living with us and his help was tremendous in our move. I will never ever ever move again without hiring movers. Although, to be fair, I said that the last 3 moves too.

We finished out the month and started September with a whirlwind of out of town family guests my husbands dad and his wife, as well as a visit from his older brother’s family and middle brother’s family from Missouri. Our lives were full, busy, packed. I was not prepared.

On a random Friday night in early September my husband says “I want to have a baby”. Wait...what? Huh? For Real? My brain literally could not process this statement. I had spent all of my 20s and some of my early 30s dreaming of having my own family. My husband told me from our third date in he had a vasectomy and did not want a family. Any additional discussion on the topic was met with a resounding “no”. He was not interested. He has a daughter. Through my marriage to him I have been outrageously blessed and fortunate enough to raise and consider her as “mine”. But, I knew from the get go, that choosing him meant no family for me. I decided I was “ok” with that, I felt like God had placed me in their lives to function as a mom, even if I wasn't one biologically. I genuinely grieved that hope and dream, made peace with it, and moved on in my life.

Now (then) at 39- do I even want a baby?! Is this a dream I can resurrect? Could I even get pregnant? I have known since I was around 12 that I have PCOS- Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I have had a slew of symptoms, and issues that most people with PCOS experience. I was told it would be particularly hard if I ever wanted to have.a baby. Since my life was not looking as though that would be the direction it took I never pressed the issue. But now do I want to have a baby? And if I do, could I even get pregnant?